Illusions

Have you ever heard a person say "I love that illusion"? I have.

Its interesting how illusions work, they deceive your eyes, your thoughts, almost to the point where you see something else. Something different.

The Oxford dictionary on the Mac defines illusion as a deceptive appearance or impression.

Now that's interesting definition. A deceptive appearance or impression. Honestly I ask myself right now, "Jin are you just an illusion?" Or "Is your appearance and your impression deceiving people right now as I write this?"

I look into the mirror of truth and it tells me that "You are you, they are they, he is he, and she is she. Look harder, what do you see?" Or something like that.

What is this impression anyways, what is this appearance?... "Different" you say? Doesn't everyone have their difference? Can the difference of the person really tell you who they truly are? I don't think it can. Does it define the person? I don't think it can.

Is your impression, your appearance an illusion as well? An illusion to me? To your friends? To the world?...

Your friend might say "Comon, be real with me." And you respond, "I am real." Or your friends might assume what they know of you is true. Surely they might think that, but is what you are truly real? I don't know, cause I'm not you. You know in your heart what you truly show and what you truly WANT to show.

How many times have I deceived you by smiling and laughing at everything? Maybe once too many. Can I truly see whats going on in me? I probably can, but I sometimes refuse to look at it, cause I like to see these illusions. These strips of reality, these different forms of nature. What brings about this desire? Maybe acceptance, maybe comfort, maybe its just what I desire... or maybe its just that its fun to act this way, who knows...

But there is a black hole in the middle of this illusion, it sucks in anything, everything, and never spits it back out. Why? Because the amount of POWER the illusion has, the amount it will radiate to others, causing others to fall into that illusion as well. Sooner or later, how can you trust anyone near you? Around you? In front of you?.... "I am with you, don't worry. You can trust me." I can say this too, very easily in fact, but I can say it to the point where I don't mean it at all. When I say this, does it sound like it has meaning or does it feel fake to you? What causes this type of typing, what causes this type of doubt. Can you truly trust a person that used people, that back stabbed people, that took revenge on people?

"I can... no problem for me." What is going to happen if THIS happens to you? Can you truly trust again? Or will you be more careful, more secure, more suspicious to trust another.

What you see now, is it real or is it an illusion? Is it reality or a fantasy? Does it seem real? If so, is it truly real, or is it what you just want to think or want to feel. What causes people to see the world differently than others? What causes people's desires to become toxic and twisted?

Why does it seem like to one person its not a big problem, but to others its a BIG problem?... Just as the moon has two faces, do I have two faces? What if the face I have been wearing hasn't been me all this time? What brings about the real face, what truly makes it all one face in the end?

Am I a monster? Am I a freak? Or am I simply messed up and twisted?

Birds with broken wings, can they truly fly again? When do those wings heal? Do they ever? What if its been forcefully cut off? Where there is a blood trail wherever you go... Do I even wish to fly anymore? Do I even wish to soar in the sky, above the clouds, with no worries, no doubts of me falling, cause these wings can support me? Do they even support me? Does confusion lead to more confusion, or does it simply mean there isn't a answer to it yet.

What am I? Human? Sinner? Violator? Destroyer? Or simply a boy, a man?
What is this air that I breathe, what is this thick cloud of muggy air? Is it just cause of my lungs? Or is it really something around me, bringing about this smog, this smoke that creates a wall between reality and illusion.

Is the mirror truly reflecting me? I hear "You're okay. You're decent. You're alright. You're good." Why is it that when I hear this, I hear another voice say, "Liar..." Why does this voice sound so familiar? What is this battlefield, this pool of blood and dead bodies floating underneath me?

Am I in the past? Am I in the present? Or is it mixed to the point where I'm stuck in the middle of past, present, and future?

Can all these illusions bring ONE THING to reality? Just like 100 pennies make a dollar, can 100 illusions make one thing real? Can 1000 illusions? 1 million? Who knows.... [don't care].


"I know you, you're different. I know you are." How can you say this even if you don't see what is truly here in front of you? How can I see you as well? "You're not the same as yesterday, cause today is a different day." Today is a different day? Really? Then why does it feel like I'm redoing everything I did yesterday [a.k.a. today]?

"You can do it! I believe you!" Ha, believe me? Are you pulling my leg? I can do it? Are you ****ing me? I can't believe these words that come to pass my ears.

I give myself things, gift myself with things... why is that? I don't know. Why is everything the same? Why is everything not changing? How can I do something about this? How am I supposed to react to it? If what I see is an illusion... or is it really reality?

What I see in you, is it real? Or is it just fantasy? What breaks my mind? Is it my time? Or is it just cause I can't see the line? What brings about my fears? What brings about these tears? What I feel, is it the rain or is it the continuous beating causing pain? Are all these things just an illusion? This impression, this deception, this possession, this foundation, this ration, this passion, this confession, this progression, this manifestation, this action,.... this tension, what is it? Illusion or reality? Fake or real? Lie or truth? Hopefully this exhibition will end causing a live explosion.
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And this is how it feels when i ignore the words you spoke to me. And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you. And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore, and this is what I choose when it's all left up to me. Breathe your life into me, I can feel you, I'm falling... falling faster! Breathe your life into me. I still need you. I'm falling, falling.... breathe into me, breathe into me.

And this is how it looks when I am standing on the edge. And this is how I break apart when I finally hit the ground. And this is how it hurts when I pretend I don't feel any pain. And this is how I disappear when I throw myself away.

Breathe your life into me, I can feel you. I'm falling... falling faster. Breathe your life into me, I still need you. I'm falling, falling... breathe into me, breathe into me, breathe into me, breathe into me....

You will find that I'm everywhere your going I'm all the places will not be. You will find that I'm everywhere your going I'm all the things you wanna be.


Can you believe this is just an illusion?

The rain that doesn't fall

** Skip this part, its just random mind blogging **
Have you guys had one of those days when you are just crying inside, but the tears won't come out?

The days when you really just want to break free from all the chains, from all the burdens and be free from this world?

I had one of those days. It was awesome spending time with people and also watching a movie with a great friend of mine. But how much do these things mean to me? There is a QUESTION that runs through my mind over and over again. "Jin, Do you really love the sheep?"

If I really did love the sheep, then my actions will also prove it. Remember its whats INSIDE that will come OUTSIDE. So if I really do love my neighbors, my brothers, my sisters... my neighbors, then clearly my actions will show it.

I was getting a haircut today and the girl that was cutting my hair today was gorgeous, remarkably beautiful and outstanding at her profession. Immediately as I walked through the door, the girl appears and asks "What can I do for you today?" And I responded, "I need a haircut. Really badly!" And she IMMEDIATELY got me seated and got ready to cut my hair. But before she cut it, she says "Before I start cutting your hair, can I see your tattoo?" And I said sure, and I explained it to her and it was just remarkable on how great God's creation could be! I'm not saying she was PERFECT at everything. But as she was cutting my hair, I was thinking to myself "I won't be able to cut people's hair... I wonder how strong her passion is for her job?"

And very honestly speaking, she had a lot of passion for her profession. And I was amazed at her zeal for it. So we talked about some stuff to kill time and it worked. After I was done, she was like saying "Its kinda nice being alone and just cutting someones hair."

And when I started to wonder, what does she do on her free time besides work? What do I do on my free time besides study/work/EPIC/hang out/sleep/spend time with God/etc. What do I do?

I soon came home, took a shower and I realized that what I love is what I love, I can't help it nor can I ignore it. That would just be foolish of me to just think that everything is just emotions and part of my mind.

Sometimes the HEART does things that YOU don't want it to do, sometimes YOU do things that your HEART doesn't want you to do as well.

I'm trying to understand why we all want to WORK towards something, that we have to GAIN something. Honestly when I think about it, I see myself WORKING my knees to the point where I am dry, like a twig ready to be thrown into a furnace.

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The great news of this time is that no matter how far I run, no matter how hard I work, no matter how much I gain, it will never give me salvation! Why is this a good news you ask? Good question, its because salvation is given for free, its given through grace. Its given through something thats called GRACE. And that my friend is THE TRUTH!

Yeah, we don't understand it. Yeah, we don't feel like we need when we are doing good. But what about those times when you're in trouble? When you're alone? When you're weeping and crying from pain?

What about those times when we want someone near, someone close, someone to cling onto and hug. To hold. To keep warm. To hold hands with? The times when we desire love? The times when we desire friendship? Why do we desire these things, especially when we have so many things, like clothes, money, houses, laptops, computers?

Its because the things we have "worked" for is nothing but temporary happiness, temporary joy. Temporary passion/zeal. How come PEOPLE keep on desiring something more and more? Its because they desire TRUE LOVE, TRUE GRACE, TRUE TRUTH, TRUE SALVATION, TRUE JOY, TRUE HAPPINESS, TRUE GOOD, TRUE AMAZEMENT, TRUE MANIFESTATION. And if you think you can work for it, that you can "gain" it through your works, you got the wrong idea!

Its already given through the manifestation of the TRUE ONE. The One that IS TRUE LOVE! God Himself! Yeah i don't understand it, but I do know that I need TRUE LOVE in my life, otherwise I wouldn't seek it out in girls, in people, in relationships. Those that don't think they need/want love in their lives are just fooling themselves. Then why do you have friends? Then why do you want to be in a relationship with a girl or a guy? Why do people get married?!

Its because they all desire that intimacy, that amazing intimacy that is offered in TRUE LOVE!

Those that want this kind of love, speak up, raise your hand, now is the time to receive. You can't work for it, you can't earn it or anything.

What son earns to be a son? What son works to be a son? The son is born a son, therefore he is a son. What daughter earns to be a daughter? What daughter works to be a daughter? The daughter is born a daughter, therefore the she is a daughter.

Foolish is the man that thinks he can earn and work for love. Instead wise is the man that knows that love is what is flowing through his works! Which produce good deeds, that even the wicked people will enjoy doing!

When you look at your heart, when you see yourself, your own spirit ask yourself this question, "AM I who I am? Or AM I who you are?"

Blessed are those that search themselves daily, that examine themselves daily and look at themselves with the eyes of Christ and see what Christ sees.